Red Sox at Orioles 6/30

On the mean streets of Baltimore.

I'll do what I can to help y'all. But, the game's out there, and it's play or get played. That simple.


Boston (47-29)
J. Lugo SS
D. Pedroia 2B
K. Youkilis 3B
J. Bay LF
D. Ortiz DH
J. Varitek C
R. Baldelli RF
J. Ellsbury CF
J. Bailey 1B
Smoltz, (0-1, 9.00)

Baltimore (34-42)
B. Roberts 2B
A. Jones CF
N. Markakis RF
A. Huff 1B
N. Reimold LF
L. Scott DH
M. Mora 3B
M. Wieters C
R. Andino SS
Hill, (3-2, 6.03)

John Smoltz vs. Milton's Own Rich Hill tonight.

TOP FIRST

Fan Favorite Julio Lugo gets the start tonight, and will lead off. And starts things off with a base hit to left! This is going to be Julio Lugo Night, I can tell.

Pedroia is next, but he can only foul out. Youkilis is up third. Lugo, clearly on a mission, steals second! Youks shows his excitement by bashing a shot to deep center, and it's gone, a two-run homer! Lugo ignites the rally!

Bay is next, and grounds out to third. But Ortiz keeps the inning going, clearly inspired by Lugo, by belting a double to deep center! Hill, obviously rattled by Lugo, proceeds to walk Varitek on 4 pitches. Rocco Baldelli has a chance to break the game wide open, but Hill snags his sharp grounder up the middle and throws him out at first to end the damages.
2-0 Julio Lugo's Red Sox after half an inning.


BOTTOM FIRST
Brian (Not Bip) Roberts leads off for Baltimore, and on pretty much the same exact play that ended Boston's inning, he hits one up the middle, grabbed by the pitcher, who throws to first for the out.

Adam (Not Pacman) Jones is next. Smoltz fans him on four pitches, getting him to wave at a fastball on the low outside corner. "This guy can paint," notes Eck.

Nick (Not Mark Acres) Markakis follows. and Smoltz punks him out on four pitches as well, catching him looking at a fastball to end the inning. 2-0 good guys after one.


TOP 2nd

Ellsbury tries a drag bunt down the first base line, but Hill gets off the hill quickly to grab it and flip to first just in time to get Jacoby.

Jeff Bailey steps in, fresh from the Pawtucket shuttle, as he replaces the disabled (differently abled?) Mike Lowell. Bailey draws a walk, bringing up the top of the order, one Julio Lugo. Coolio smacks a grounder up the middle, past a diving Roberts, for a base hit. 2-2 for Lugo so far. Bailey holds second.

Hill falls behind Pedroia 2-1. Eck: "Rich Hill is scuffling right now, doesn't really know what he's doing on the mound." NESN cruelly taunts Hill by cutting to a shot of Jon Lester, dimiinishing Hill in comparison. Pedroia gets hold of the next offering and smashes it to the left center gap, Bailey scores, and Lugo dashes all the way around from first to make it 4-0.

Pedroia steals third without a throw, his 14th steal of the year. Eck: "Kind of embarrassing for Rich Hill right here, kind of falling asleep." Hill battles back to whiff Youkilis, out on a foul-tip into the catcher's mitt.

Bay will try to make up for Youkilis not getting the runner in from third with less than 2 out. Hill gets ahead 1-2, then misses with 2 pitches. Bay bounces one to deep third. Mora grabs it, and his long throw across the diamond barely gets the hustling Bay at first for the third out. So close to another run, but Hill escapes. 4-0 Sox after one and a half.

BOTTOM 2nd
Grand Ole Aubrey Huff leads off for the O's, and Smoltz gets ahead 0-2, then induces a chopper to Pedroia, who handles it easily for the first out. Nolan "Two Last Names" Reimold follows with a routine flyout to Bay in left for the second out.

Luke "Two First Names" Scott gets ahead 3-0. Smoltz battles back to a full count, then walks him on a splitter off the outside corner. Melvin Mora is up next. He hits one pretty well to right, but it dies on the track and Baldelli grabs it for the out. When the ball in the sky, drops short on the fly, that's a Mora. 4-0 Sox after 2.

TOP THIRD

Adam Jones has been taken out of the game for Baltimore, "for precautionary reasons." Felix Pie takes over. Mmm, Pie.

Ortiz will start the third for Boston. Hill drops down with a sidearm pitch, and Ortiz chases it, fanning for the first out. Varitek rolls a grounder to Roberts for the second out. And Baldelli skies one to Pie (pronounced P.A., not pie) to end the inning. Still 4-0 Sox.

BOTTOM THIRD

Catching phenom Matt Weiters starts things for Baltimore by driving one to deep left. Bay goes back on the warning track, at the wall, reaches up and makes the catch, right near the top of the fence.

Robert Andino follows by smacking the first pitch into left for a hit. Smoltz appearing a little more vincible all of a sudden. Roberts is next, and smacks one to deep left, but Bay is able to grab it easily on the edge of the track for the second out.

Felix Pie follows by ripping a gapper to right center. Baldelli slides to make the stop and cut the ball off, but the ball squirts out of his glove as he stands up, and Andino comes racing all the way around from first to score the first run for Baltimore. Pie hustles all the way to third on the play.

The dangerous Nick Markakis ends the threat by fouling out to Varitek. 4-1 Boston after 3.

TOP 4th

Ellsbury steps in, and he smashes a rocket to right center field, way over the fence for a leadoff home run. Eck: "He's not gonna hit a ball any better than that. This ball was smoked, he thought he was Willie McCovey." 5-1 Sox.

Bailey hits a roller down the third base line, Mora charges, barehands it, and throws to first on the run, but too late to get Bailey.

Up next is Julio Lugo. Alas, it seems like Julio Lugo Night may be over, as Coolio whiffs for the first out.

Pedroia hits another bouncer to deep third, and Mora bobbles it. He throws to first, but it's offline and late, Pedroia is safe on on infield hit. Now it's ruled an error. Hit, error-- pretty much the same, Mora less. Youkilis knocks a double down the line in left, Bailey scores, and it's now 6-1 Red Sox.

The struggling Hill now intentionally walks Bay to load the bases and get to Ortiz. Ortiz responds to the insult by looping a soft single to shallow left, scoring Pedroia. Dave Tremblay finally emerges from the Orioles dugout to put Hill out of his misery. Pitching change.

Matt Albers comes in from the bullpen to face Varitek with the bases loaded. He's firing blazing fastballs, but not with much command.

One comes sizzling up near Varitek's head, but just misses him. But the ump says it nicked his uniform, even though it didn't, and Varitek heads to first, forcing in another run, this one totally undeserved. Tremblay comes back out to yell fruitlessly at the ump, but it's not going to change anything, it's still 8-1 Boston.

Baldelli steps in with the bases still loaded, and still only one out. Albers catches him looking for the second out. Ellsbury comes up as the rain starts to fall. This is still not an official game, of course.

Ellsbury slashes a base hit into right, scoring another run, with Ortiz holding third. Hmm, with the rain starting it really wouldn't be a bad time to make a quick out.

And Bailey obliges, grounding out to Andino on the first pitch to end the inning. Let the countdown to an "official game" begin.
9-1 Sox after three and a half.

BOTTOM 4th

Will the Orioles stall and hope for rain? Huff Daddy starts things by grounding out to Pedroia, bringing up young Reimold. Reimold dumps a hit into shallow right center. Luke Scott is next, and he chops one to Pedroia, who grabs it, whirls and fires to Lugo. Coolio turns the DP just like a real shortstop, his throw nipping Scott at first to end the inning. 9-1 Boston after 4.

TOP 5th

Lugo leads off the inning by grounding out to Andino, who makes a nice backhanded stop. Pedroia follows by also grounding out to Andino, who makes another nice stop.

Youks is next, and he goes along with the crowd and smacks another one to Andino, but he can't get this one, the ball squirting out of his glove after he ranges over past the bag. Youkilis is safe with the infield hit. The Sox have gone Andino, Andino, Andino, and? As the rain pours down in sheets, buckets, cats and dogs, Bay fans on an Uncle Albers fastball to end the inning. 9-1 Boston in the fifth.

BOTTOM FIFTH

The tarp is on the field, the game is delayed. With the Red Sox leading 9-1 in the fifth. Two weeks ago, they lost a rain-shortened game 1-0. It would be exceptionally cruel to have this one washed out, especially after that utter fiasco. The rain is really pouring down now.

RAIN DELAY.

Update: The game should resume at approximately 9:50 PM. Hard luck for Smoltz, though, as he's done for the night, and can't get the win, even ith the 9-1 lead.

Masterson will be taking over.

And the game will resume very soon, Masterson is warming on the mound.

BOTTOM FIFTH

And after the 1:11 rain delay, Mora steps in, and the game resumes! He quickly grounds out to Lugo, one down in the fifth.

Masterson quickly blows away Weiters, getting him to chase a sinker that just plummets as it reaches the plate.

Andino is next. Now that the rain can't save them, the Orioles aren't wasting any time swinging at pitches. Andino hacks at the first four pitches he sees, fouling the last two. And then swings at another, which he misses, fanning for the third out. Now the game is officially official! 9-1 Sox after 5.

TOP 6th

Mark Hendrickson is in to pitch for Baltimore. He's 6'10, "Randy Johnson without the cheese," as Eckersley puts it in his inimitable way. Ortiz stands in against the tall lefty and smacks one up the middle. But Andino is playing on the far side of second base, so it's right at him, and he makes the play with ease.

Varitek next, batting from the right side against Randy Johnson Without the Cheese, or RJWC. He can do nothing with Hendrickson. And neither can Baldelli, who ends yet another inning. Still 9-1, midway through 6.

BOTTOM 6th

Masterson still out there, and gets Roberts for the first out. Felix "PA, not Pie" Pie is next, and after Masterson gets him, the entire Red Sox team starts walking off the field, thinking the inning is over. They don't just walk a couple of steps, the entire infield and Masterson go all the way into the dugout, then have to come back out onto the field.

Not yet, boys, you need three outs in this league. No worries as Masterson gets out of it. Still 9-1 Boston, after 6.

TOP 7th

Ellsbury grounds one up the middle, but Andino is there again, and makes another off-balance throw to get Ellsbury.

Beetle Bailey walks up to he plate to face RJWC, and he bashes one to deep right. Markakis leaps for it, but can't get it. The ball caroms off the wall, and Bailey lumbers into third with a stand-up triple. Lugo follows, with a chance for an RBI on Julio Lugo Night. But he fans, his special night going down the drain in the pouring rain.

Pedroia steps in. After ball one, Tremblay pops out of the dugout, needing to yell about something to someone somewhere. Home plate ump Tony Randazzo indulges him for a while, figuring it's not worth it to throw him out of this game, that would be letting him off easy. The baseball continues, and Pedroia smacks a single to center, scoring Bailey, as the pummeling continues.

Youkilis follows with an easy bounce-out to Mora, to end the inning. 10-1 Sox, midway through the 7th.

BOTTOM 7th

Grand Ole Aubrey leads off again. Kottaras now in to catch for Boston. Huff cracks a base hit off Masterson, and Reimold follows by hitting a squibber just out of the reach of the diving Pedroia for another hit.

2 on, 0 out for Luke Scott. He drills a shot to deep right, that clangs off the top of the fence, just missing a home run. Huff waltzes home, cutting the lead to 8. Still two on with still no one out.

No Mora no more, as Oscar Salazar pinch hits. And he crushes one to deep left, way out, a three-run home run! And suddenly the 10-1 lead is now 10-5 with STILL no one out. John Farrell comes out to the mound to ask Masterson, like, why are you sucking all of a sudden, dude?

Masterson stays in, and Weiters tees off and smashes a single to center. Masterson has totally lost it. Here comes Francona finally to yank him. Pitching Change.

Did Masterson fall apart because of the walking-off-the-field-with-only-two-outs thing? Was he totally lost without Varitek behind the plate to call his pitches? Is he strictly a two-inning pitcher? Is it Lugo's fault somehow? Who knows.

Anyway, Manny Delcarmen is in to face Andino, who grounds one up the middle that Pedroia gets to, behind the bag. He runs to the base for the out, but his throw to first is late. One out in the 7th. Roberts follows with yet another roller to Pedroia, who can only get the batter at first, the runner moving up to second.

That brings up Felix P.A., who flares a single into shallow center, scoring Andino. It's 10-6 now, and getting really annoying. That's going to be it for MDC. Pitching Change.

Okajeemer is in to try to put out the fire.

But he can't, as Nick Mark Acres flares a hit to shallow center, Pie scooting to third. Now the Orioles have batted around, cleanup hitter Aubrey Huff is up, and the tying run is on the on-deck circle. Huff cracks a liner toward center, but Pedroia leaps, reaching his glove way over his head, at least five feet off the ground, and snares it to finally end the inning. Go ahead and call this game over anytime you want, umps. 10-6 Boston.

TOP 8th

Somehow it's only the top of the 8th, and somehow the Sox only lead by 4 runs. Bay grounds out, then Ortiz walks. Kottaras grounds one that Hendickson snags. RJWC throws to second to get the lead runner, but Kottaras beats the relay to first to keep the inning alive.

Rally Killin' Rocco is next. This time he keeps things going, lining a base hit up the middle, bringing up Ellsbury. Jacoby grounds one past Hendrickson, into center field! Kottaras, off with the crack of the bat, should easily score from second. But he runs like a catcher-- a slow catcher-- possibly a slow catcher who isn't running very hard-- so Pie's tasty throw from the outfield beats him to the plate and he's tagged out, ending the inning. 10-6 Boston.

BOTTOM 8th

Reimold leads off the inning by lining a single to left. Scott follows with a long drive to deep right, that luckily hits the very top of the wall, and he cruises into second with a double. Runners on second and third, no one out, the tying run on deck.

Oscar Salazar is up again-- didn't he just hit a three-run homer like five minutes ago?

The Orioles probably would have just given up during the rain delay if the rules offered them that option. But they weren't allowed to. Instead, they're back in the game in the 8th.

This game has turned horrible. I pity anyone still reading this blog.

No home run for Salazar this time, instead he squibs a roller in front of home plate. Kottaras is out quickly to pick it up, but for some reason he doesn't throw the hitter out at first, he just holds the ball and watches him run to first. Infield single to the catcher. Kottaras has been horrible tonight, from pitch calling to hitting, to getting thrown out at the plate when he should've scored easily, and now this.

The runners hold, so the bases are loaded, and future Superstar Matt Weiters steps in as the tying run at the plate. Still nobody out.

Weiters flares a hit to left, scoring a run, as the nightmare continues. 10-7 now, tying runs on base, no one out. That's 11 Orioles hits in the last inning-plus. 11!

Ty Wigginton comes up to pinch hit. Francona comes out to yank Okajima, hoping to find one reliever who can get some outs tonight. Saito will come in. Pitching Change.

Saito falls behind Wigginton 2-0, then gets a strike, then another. The next pitch is in the dirt, full count. Bases loaded, no one out. Top of the order following. You gonna make this a tie, Ty?

Wiggginton drills a shot to deep right, Baldelli runs back near the wall-- he jumps too soon, but he still catches it, barely! One of the many baserunners tags and scores, now it's 10-8.

Roberts up, runners on the corners. Saito gets ahead 0-2, then misses with 2 pitches. A home run here makes this the worst regular season baseball game of all time. There's no homer-- just a double smacked down the left field line, dammit. ANOTHER run scores, it's 10-9. Still only one out. Eckersley on Saito's last pitch: "just an awful breaking ball."

Francona out AGAIN, this time to bring in Papelbon. Yes, it's come to this, a 10-1 lead is almost gone and we need Papelbon to get five outs with a one-run lead and two runners already on base. This is an utter disaster. Pitching change AGAIN.

Pitcher Jeremy Guthrie is in to pinch-run for Weiters at second, as that would be the tying run. Felix Pie stands in against Papelbon. Baltimore with 12 hits now in the last inning and a third. Papelbon fires a heater past Pie, fanning him for the second out! Markakis now up, for I think the fourth time this inning. Will he be worn out from running the bases?

NO. He crushes a shot to deep left, off the wall, TWO RUNS SCORE, AND THE ORIOLES HAVE COME BACK FROM A 10-1 DEFICIT TO TAKE THE LEAD, Markakis goes all the way to third, and this is now officially the worst regular season game in baseball history.

What a disgrace. Hmm, do you think the Red Sox might have checked out mentally during that rain delay? Maybe they should all run off the field again now with two outs. They should have just gone home the last time they did that.

Some other guy comes up for Baltimore, it doesn't really matter who. Papelbon walks him. Reimold up again, as the Orioles have batted around in two consecutive innings. This time he flies out, in a hurry to get this win in the books. 11-10 Orioles, in the worst bullpen meltdown I think I have ever seen in my life.

TOP 9th

Will the Red Sox go down meekly, or will they score a run to let the Orioles hitters have more fun in the 9th? Ty Wigginton, who resembles an offensive lineman, is now playing shortstop for the Orioles. Greg Zaun is catching, George Sherrill is pitching. They could probably put Wild Bill Hagy in center field too, for all the difference it makes. Unless they put in Eric Gagne to pitch, this one is over.

Jeff Bailey leads off for the Red Sox. On a 3-2 pitch, he lines a single to left. Nick Green comes in to pinch run. And he almost gets picked off! He's safe, but it's really looking like the Sox aren't done embarrassing themselves tonight.

And now here's the poster boy for Red Sox embarrassment, Julio Lugo. He tries to bunt, but pops it high and way foul. He waves at the next pitch, and is down 0-2.

(Announcers always say someone is "quickly" down 0-2, which is dumb, the only way you can be down 0-2 in the count is if the first two pitches are strikes, there's no way to do that quicker or slower, it's always two pitches.) And Lugo whiffs, called out on a pitch over the heart of the plate. Not done embarrassing himself, he whines to the ump about the obvious call. Hey, this really has turned into a Julio Lugo of a night after all!

Pedroia is next. He is quickly down 0-2, of course. He skies a routine fly to right for the second out. One out away from a horrible, humiliating loss, one of the worst ever.

Youkilis is the next hitter. The Orioles fans are going crazy, joyously chanting "Let's Go, O's!" And Youkilis is quickly down 0-2.

One strike away for Baltimore. After Sherrill wastes one, he hits Youkilis in the elbow with the next pitch. Two runners on, hopefully Youkilis isn't injured in this disgrace of a game. He'll stay in to run.

Bay is next, 0-9 in this series so far. And of course, he is quickly down 0-2.

And after a waste pitch, Bay whiffs, RED SOX LOSE.

Horrible, horrible loss. NESN is now legally barred from ever showing the "Mother's Day Miracle" game ever again. I hate baseball.

Live blog, Red Sox vs. Nationals

Sawx:
Pedroia-2B
Drew-RF
Youkilis-3B
Bay-LF
Ortiz-1B
Varitek-C
Ellsbury-CF
Green-SS
Lester-P

Gnats:
Harris-CF
Guzman-SS
Zimmerman-3B
Johnson-1B
Willingham-LF
Dukes-RF
Hernandez-2B
Nieves-C
Stammen-P

Whoops, slow start here, sorry about that, we'll be up to date here in a minute.


TOP FIRST

Pedroia steps in to face big Craig Stammen, the Gnats starter. Pedroia hits one back to the mound and is out easily. Drew is next, and he hacks at the first pitch and bounces it to Nick Johnson at first base, who makes the play unassisted for the second out.

Stammen going right after the hitters, throwing strikes so far. Youkilis fans on a darting curveball to end the inning. No score midway through the first.

BOTTOM FIRST

So the Sox are taking on Washington-- first in war, first in peace and last in the National League at 20-48, only 17 games out of first place. They do have a few more wins than Tim Wakefield-- so far anyway. At least 10% of their wins this season have come against the Yankees.

Ex-Sox utilityman Willie Harris leads off against Jon Lester, and flies out to Ellsbury. Cristian Guzman is up next, and he grounds out to Youkilis, whose throw is a sort of sidearmish fling to Ortiz at first.

Ryan Zimmerman stands in, and Lester quickly dismisses him, freezing him with a curve for called strike three. No score after one.

TOP 2ND
Jason Bay starts things for the Sox by grounding out to Zimmerman for the first out. Orsillo promotes the upcoming Paul McCartney shows at Fenway. McCartney should play in the Nationals stadium too, so Nats starter John Lannan can sit in with his old songwriting partner.

Slick fielding first baseman David Ortiz follows by grounding out to Johnson for the second out. The Red Sox have failed to hit the ball out of the infield so far. But Varitek changes all that, by hitting a shallow popout to left field. In your face Stammen! 0-0 still.

BOTTOM 2nd

The Natinals are last in the league in ERA, last in walks allowed, last in fielding percentage, last in winning percentage, but FIRST in dumb promos about weak "Defining Moments."

"Lou" from "Rescue Me" leads off for Washington. No wait, that's melon-faced Nick Johnson and his ridiculous mustache. Johnson and his mustache both ground out to Nick Green for the first out.

Josh Willingham follows by drawing a walk. Isn't Willingham a town on Cape Cod? Anyway, Elijah Dukes is next. He shatters his bat on his swing and sends a little roller to Local Hero Nick Green. But somehow the sharp broken barrel of the bat flies right at Green along with the baseball, and Green opts to save his life by jumping out of the way at the last second.

The ball rolls into left field for a "hit," and Willingham takes third as the bat-shard sticks up out of the ground like a spear-- a warning to all those who would defy the prophet Elijah Dukes. Greenzo is still alive, but barely. The spear-like shard flew right past him, literally nicking Green. He's now sporting a big welt on his forearm. Jeez, what did he do to deserve that, forget to set out a plate for Elijah?

The law firm of Anderson-Hernandez follows by hitting a bloop single off the handle of his bat, which luckily didn't disintegrate and attempt to murder any Sox players. Willingham scores on the bloop, and the Natinals lead 1-0.

So the pesky Gnats have a rally going now, and Lester's hard luck continues. Add this fluke play onto the game he pitched against Tampa where about five ground balls in one inning got through the Red Sox infield, leading to 9 runs allowed, and last week's rain-shortened start against Florida where he had to take the loss in a 5-inning game.

Nieves bounces a one-hopper to Green, who is happy to escape this inning with his life, as he starts an easy 6-4-3 double play to end the threat. 1-0 Gnats, after 2.

TOP 3rd

Ellsbury starts the Sox off by grounding softly to Hernandez for the first out. Green follows by whiffing badly on a terrible pitch in the dirt. Not a good night for the Green Monstah so far.

Next, we get to see Jon Lester wear a batting helmet, in the same game we see Ortiz wear a first baseman's mitt. He's about equally as ridiculous, as he fans weakly to end the inning. Craig Stammen is throwing a perfect game against the Red Sox. 1-0 bad guys.

BOTTOM THIRD

Stammen steps up and shows Lester how a pitcher should swing the bat, lining a single to right center.

Willie Harris is next. He hits a soft bouncer to Ortiz-- could be extra bases! But no, Ortiz grabs the chopper and skillfully fires to Green to nail the lead runner.

With Guzman up, Harris takes off and steals second without a throw. Lester makes the stolen base irrelevant by walking Guzman. First and second for the Nats with one out, and Zimmerman up. Lester battles back, blowing a 94-mph fastball past him, whiffing him for the second out.

Nick Johnson is next. Lester gets ahead 1-2. Johnson rolls one toward short, and Green charges and fires off balance to nab Johnson by only 20 feet. Still 1-0 Washington after 3.

TOP 4th

Top of the order for Boston. Pedroia smacks a grounder down the line past a diving Zimmerman for a leadoff double! Thus endeth the perfect game after three innings.

JD Drew follows by rolling one to second base, advancing the runner on the groundout, pleasing old-time baseball cranks everywhere by Giving Himself Up To Help The Team. Personally, I prefer it when he helps the team by blasting the ball out of the park instead, but whatever.

Runner on third, one out for Youkilis. He's called for strike one on a pitch at his ankles, and moans and pouts. Home plate umpire Bob "Rabbit Ears" Davidson takes off his mask and starts screaming at the Red Sox dugout, then ejects hitting coach Dave Magadan! Francona and Magadan come running out to continue the debate for a while to no avail, as merry Magadan is gone.

Youkilis draws a walk, as the only strike Stammen was able to throw was the bogus one that led to the ejection. No such luck for Jason Bay though, as Stammen gets him to flail at a sinking breaking pitch for strike three.

Ortiz up, with two out and runners on the corners. The 2-2 pitch zooms past him, perilously close to the outside corner, but is ruled a ball by the apparently repentent umpire. Ortiz shows his thanks by demolishing the next pitch, smacking it high to right center, and it sails over the fence for a game-changing 3-run homer! One of those 3 RBIs was the 1,000th of his career. That's six home runs in June so far for Ortiz, who is finally starting to look like the Big Papi of old.

Varitek ends the inning by quickly flying out, but the damage/awesomeness has been done. 3-1 Red Sox.

BOTTOM 4th
Things learned from the commercials: 1. Biz Markie is strangely still beloved by people who were in diapers when his only hit song was released.

Tyrone Willingham starts things by chopping one to short. Green charges, fields, and throws him out at first. The non-prophet Elijah helps speed things along by knocking the first pitch back to Lester, who grabs it and Foulkeianly underhands to first for the out.

Lester makes quick work of Hernandez, getting him to ground out to Pedroia, and after his 1-2-3 inning, the Sox lead 3-1 after 4.

TOP 5th

Leading off, Ellsbury bounces one to Johnson at first, who bobbles the ball, drops it, and runs a few laps around it before grabbing it and stepping on the bag for the out.

Nick Green smacks another grounder, but this one is in the third base hole-- Guzman ranges over and gloves it, but his off-balance throw is way off line, allowing Green to beat out the infield single.

Lester is the next "batter," and he ends all pretense by squaring around to bunt on his way out of the dugout. He bunts the second pitch effectively, advancing Green to second on the sacrifice.

Pedroia steps in with Green on second and two out. He belts a liner to right center for a hit, Green scoring easily, and the Red Sox lead 4-1. Drew follows by driving one to left, and it sails over the head of Herm Willingham. Pedroia would score easily, but the ball one-hops over the wall for an automatic double, so he's got to hold third.

Two runners in scoring position for Youkilis, with the starter on the ropes. A base hit here might get the Sox into the alluringly horrible Washington middle relief corps... but no, Youks grounds out to end the inning. Sox add to the lead though, as it's 4-1 Boston midway through the 5th.

BOTTOM 5th

Things learned from the commercials: Firestone tires will keep model cars from sliding around on boats during storms. Finally! We've been waiting forever for tires that could do that, now we can all go back to painting our model cars on boats during storms.

Wil Nieves leads it off. The sponsor of his baseball reference page announces that "Wil Nieves is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet and always has a positive attitude." Nieves nicely fans for the first out, no doubt maintaining his positive attitude, as well as his lifetime .268 on-base percentage.

Craig Stammen follows by also striking out, bringing up Willie Harris. Wikipedia informs us that "Willie Harris is notorious for his quick feet." He's probably more notorious for his slow bat and for striking out a lot, which he does again here. Lester strikes out the side, and the Sox lead 4-1 after 5.

TOP 6th

Bay leads off for Boston, and he is called out on strikes. Ortiz is next, and he beats the shift by hitting a 33-hopper to where the third baseman should have been standing but where no one is actually standing. Single for Ortiz.

Varitek is next. Is Stammen, uh... getting tired, losing strength and endurance? Possibly. Varitek seems to think so, as he smashes the first pitch to deep right, and it soars way out of the park for his 11th home run of the year! And that's it for Stammen. Manny Acta is out to change pitchers. 6-1 Sox in the 6th.

Former UMass tight end Ron Villone is in to pitch for Washington. Our friend Wikipedia points out that "due to his many baseball travels, some of his teammates have affectionately referred to him as "Suitcase" Villone."

Ol' Suitcase fans Ellsbury for the second out of the inning, then gets Green to fly out to end the inning. Still 6-1 Boston in the 6th.

BOTTOM 6th

Cristian Guzman hits one in the hole that Green ranges over to grab, but his off-balance throw is just a bit late, and Guzman is safe on the infield single. Zimmerman is next, with Lester now up to 81 pitches. Zimmerman lofts a hit between Ellsbury and Drew, and by the time Jacoby can run it down, Guzman is on third and Zimmerman is on second.

The painfully named Nick Johnson stands in, with a chance to get the Gnats back into the game. But he bounces one back to the mound, Lester traps Guzman off third base, and a rundown ensues. Guzman does the Cristian thing and stays alive long enough for Zimmerman to get to third and Johnson to second.

Josh Willing Ham bloops a little softy down the right field line, and it falls in, both runners scoring, cutting the lead to 6-3. The Natinals are right back in the game, and it's time for them to put up their Dukes. Luckily, it's also time for Lester to sit down their Dukes, and he does, fanning him on a cutter for the second out. Anderson Hernandez follws with a one-hopper to Youks, who tosses to Pedroia to end the inning. 6-3 Boston after 6.


TOP 7th

Oh my, the universe may be ending soon-- suddenly, we have Julio Lugo batting against Julian Tavarez! NESN can't handle the drama either, and goes to commercial so we can all catch our breath and reconsider our places in the universe.

So what actually happens when a moveable object meets a resistible force? We've always wanted to know, and now we have an answer: Julio Lugo strikes out.

Pedroia flies to Harris for the second out. We need someone to ground one back to the mound so that Tavarez will roll the ball to first. Instead, Drew walks, bringing up Youkilis, who flies out to Dukes to end the inning. 6-3 Boston at the 7th inning stretch.

BOTTOM 7th

Yet another reason why Julian Tavarez is so much fun: Asked why he signed with Washington before this season, Tavarez said ""Why did I sign with the Nationals? When you go to a nightclub at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me, this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."

Lester is done for the evening, replaced by Justin Masterson, who starts the inning. Alberto Gonzalez comes out to pinch hit for Nice Nieves, but Masterson chumps him out on a slider way out of the zone for the first out. Josh "The Immortal" Bard pinch-hits for Tavarez, the big spoilsport. He lines a double down the right field line, sliding in just ahead of the throw. Why couldn't Washington have hurried Doug Mirabelli to the park with a police escort to get him there just in time to replace Bard and pop out?

It seems like the Red Sox are way ahead, but it's only a 3-run game, and the Gnats have the top of the order coming up. Harris smashes one to the right side that Ortiz has no chance on, mostly because he's been replaced by Mark Kotsay, who makes a diving stop and beats Harris to the bag for the out. Seriously, that would've been a double if Ortiz was still in there. Nice snag by Kotsay. Bard takes third on the play.

Guzman up now, and he smashes a gapper to right center, and speeds all the way to third on the RBI triple. Here come the Nats. 6-4 now, and Okajima warming up in the bullpen.

Zimmerman is next, and he belts one to deep left center-- Ellsbury racing back, looking up, he reaches up and catches the ball right next to the fence, hanging on as he bumps the wall! Yikes, the Sox dodged one there. Inning over, 6-4 Boston.

TOP 8th
Bearded Joe Beimel is in to pitch for Washington. Bay starts things off by fanning for the third time tonight. Kotsay skies out to right, and Drew ends the quick, meek, lame inning by flying out to Willingham. Still 6-4.

BOTTOM 8th

Masterson still in the game to face left-handed hitting Nick Johnson. Francona must have stepped out for a bite to eat between innings, or maybe he's checking on the ejected Magadan to see what he's up to. Anyway, Masterson gets Johnson to ground out to second. In my face! Francona knows best.

Willingham is next, and Masterson makes him look silly, catching him looking at a late-breaking curve. Dukes is next, and he battles back from an 0-2 count to draw a walk, bringing the tying run to the plate. And that's it for Masterson, as Francona comes out to take the ball from him and hand it to Okajima. Pitching change, 6-4 Sox.

Big Adam Dunn is in to pinch-hit. If he gets hold of one, we'll be tied. Okajima gets ahead 0-2, then just misses the outside corner with two pitches. It's starting to look uncomfortably similar to the Ortiz at-bat earlier, where he crushed the home run. Okajima misses again, and the count is full. He misses again, and that's two hitters in a row where the Sox relievers have turned 0-2 counts into walks, putting the tying runs on base.

Ronnie Belliard is in to pinch hit, representing the go-ahead run. He falls behind 0-2, then Okajima misses with another. This is looking disturbingly familiar. Belliard fouls off about 12 close pitches, driving most of New England to reach for a drink. But then Okalima tosses a sweeping, late-breaking curve, and Belliard fans on it, ending the threat. Sox still lead 6-4.

TOP 9th
Hard throwing wild man Mike Macdougal in to pitch for the Nats. Ellsbury leads off by smacking one down the first-base line. Johnson dives and snares it, then rolls around on the ground and steps on the base for the out. Green follows with a groundout to Guzman.

Rocco Baldelli is up to hit for Okajima, and he flies out to right field to end another quick, nothing of an inning against the woeful Washington bullpen. 6-4 Boston going into the bottom of the 9th.

BOTTOM 9th

Papelbon is in to try to close this one out. Josh Bard is up again, and he hits a high fly into foul territory in shallow left. Bay comes charging in, gets there and makes the catch.

Willie Harris steps in and watches a 97-mph fastball zip past for strike one. Papelbon follows with a sinking slider for called strike two, then wastes a pitch outside. Papelbon does his leaning-forward, exhaling, moving-his-mouth-around thing, then fires. Harris drives one to right-center field, deep. Ellsbury races back onto the warning track, and snags the ball right in front ofthe fence for the second out.

Cristian Guzman is the last hope for the Gnats. He hits it back to the mound sharply, stabbed by Foulke, I mean Papelbon, he underhands to first to end the game! Sox win 6-4.

A painless 1-2-3 save for Papelbon this time, except for the deep flyout. Kind of an odd game, quiet except for a few outbursts, and a little drama in the 8th from the pesky Gnats, but a win is a win. Sweet, we didn't lose to the Natinals!

The Sox go for the sweep tomorrow, with John Smoltz making his Red Sox debut.

Live blog, Red Sox vs. Florida

Tonight: Marlons at Red Sox


Florida (32-35, 17-16 Road) at Boston (40-25, 23-8 Home)
Ricky Nolasco (2-6, 7.62 ERA) vs. Jon Lester (5-5, 4.76 ERA)




Incomprehensible jock quote of the day: "I just kind of want to get better every time out," Nolasco said. "Just being consistent is the main goal." Yo Ricky, if you keep getting better every time out, then you're really not being consistent, as your results are changing every single time.



Here are tonight's lineups:

1. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
2. J.D. Drew, RF
3. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
4. Jason Bay, LF
5. David Ortiz, DH
6. Mike Lowell, 3B
7. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
8. Jason Varitek, C
9. Nick Green, SS
-- Jon Lester, LHP


1. Chris Coghlan, LF
2. Wes Helms, 1B
3. Hanley Ramirez, SS
4, Jorge Cantu, DH
5. Dan Uggla, 2B
6. Cody Ross, CF
7. Ronny Paulino, C
8. Brett Carroll, RF
9. Emilio Bonifacio, 3B
-- Ricky Nolasco, RHP

Eck: "Jon Lester's been the most dominant pitcher in all of the big leagues over his last 3 starts with 34 punchouts." Big Jon... Big Bad Jon.
Facing Lester is Ricky Nolasco, who went from Opening Day starter to minor leaguer and then back to the bigs in a span of 3 months.

TOP FIRST
The Sox take the field, dodging raindrops. And after a pre-game show filled with praise for him, Lester's first pitch sails two feet outside, high above the strike zone. He battles back to a 2-2 count, then just misses the outside corner with a 95-mph heater on the obviously speeded-up NESN radar gun, then Coghlan grounds a base hit through the right side. There goes the perfect game!

Wes Helms steps up. Many empty prime seats behind home plate, as the rich folks are obviously a bunch of big babies who are made of sugar and can't handle a little rain. What is this, New Yankee Stadium? Why not let the po folks move down from the nosebleeds? I know they only paid $60 or so for their seats, but still...

Anyway, while I was ranting, Lester fans Helms with a curve for the first out. Hanley "Teal Shoes" Ramirez is next. Fitzy from Eastie calls in to say "Hey Theo, why don't you trade Lugo and Jeff Bailey for Hanley? If you don't do it, you're an idiot!" Florida would probably turn down Buchholz, Lowrie, Bard, Bowden, The Prudential Center, the Beanpot and the Citgo sign for Hanley.

And he fans on another Jon Lester curve, which eludes Varitek, allowing Coghlan to get to second. Ha, you suckers Florida, you should've traded him when you had the chance! That's it, the Citgo sign is off the table.

Crater-faced Jorge Cantu is up. Lester gets ahead 1-2 with pinpoint mid-90s fastballs, then misses with a curve. Orsillo points out that Cantu is 27 years old. Judging from his rugged complexion and all those games with the Fred McGriff-era Devil Rays, I would've guess he's 57.

Cantu tries to get a hit, but he cannot, Cantu. No, he cannot! He bounces out to Lowell to end the inning. NO SCORE.

HOME HALF OF THE FIRST
Pedroia leads off for the Sawx. He falls behind 0-2, as Nolasco hits 93 on the obviously speeded-up NESN radar gun (hereafter abbreviated as TOSUNRG.) Pedroia pops out to Bonafacio, for the first out.

Drew is out swinging on a slow breaking pitch, bringing up Youkilis. Youkilis is having a great year so far, but looked horrible last night. Not tonight though, as he gets hold of a low fastball and demolishes it over the Monster for a home run. 1-0 Red Sox.

Bay grounds out to third to end the inning. 1-0 Red Sox after one.

TOP 2nd
All-Star Goat Dan Uggla starts the inning for the Marlons. And he smashes one to deep left for a home run, tying the game at 1-1. As Eck points out, these Marlons "can go bridge in a hurry."

Cody Ross is next, and he grounds out routinely for the first out, bringing up Ronny Paulino. Lester labors to a full count, then Paulino crushes one to deep left, over the wall and off the Volvo sign. 2-1 Florida. Paulino goes Volvo.

Brett Caroll is next. Lester now at 41 pitches and covered in sweat, as the count goes to 2-2. Carroll strokes an outside pitch to right for a single. John Farrell comes out for a mound visit, imploring Lester to keep the ball down and stop letting anonymous nobodies pound him.

Emiliano Bonafacio steps in. His name translates to Eager Good Face. Orsillo considers changing his name to Donaldo Bonafacio, but alas decides against it. The Real Bonafacio goes down swinging on a curve for the second out. Maybe HE should change his name-- how about Emil Orsillo?

As the rain continues to pour, Chris Coghlan steps up. A pitch gets away from Varitek, rolling maybe two inches away from him, and Carroll inexplicably takes off for second. He's thrown out easily, ending the inning and mercifully sparing Lester anymore pitches. 2-1 bad guys after 1 and a half.

BOTTOM 2nd

Ortiz is first for Boston, and he just misses a high changeup, flying out to RF on it, instead of hitting it 470 feet like he used to.

This brings up Lowell, who hits one well to left-center, but watches it die and fall into the glove of Ross on the warning track. Nolasco getting away with some fat pitches here, hopefully he'll keep throwing them.

But he handles Ellsbury easily enough, getting him on a routine flyout to Ross to end the inning. Sox trailing 1-2 after 2.

TOP 3rd

Things learned from the commercials: 1. dorks like to ineptly hit on women who work at McDonalds. 2. Howie Long goes around randomly taunting other men in parking lots, apparently hoping to start fights.

Back at the game, some guy in the bleachers is wearing some sort of bubble-boy plastic device over his head-- possibly to keep the rain off, or possibly to keep from dying of exposure to germs that his immune system can't handle. What a moop.

Top of the order up for the Marlons, after the baserunning out that ended last inning. Coghlan grounds out routinely to Green. Wes Helms is next, and he grounds a hit past a diving Green for a single.

Eckersley going on about how you don't want to get your "moss" wet in the rain-- presumably meaning the hair on your head-- and points out that his moss is "dwindling." (And dyed black, too, probably, is my guess.) Dwindling Eck Moss would be a good band name.

Lester battles Hanley to a 2-2 count, but Hanley grounds a single past a diving Lowell for a hit. Hmm, lots of hits going through the diving left side of the Sox infield this year.

Cantu is next, and Lowell's able to get his little roller and throw him out, with the runners advancing. Down 2-1, 2 men in scoring position-- it's getting Uggla out here.

Dan Uggla to be precise. Lester gets ahead of him 0-2, then just misses on the next one, starting to walk off the mound before the ump rules it ball one. But it's all okay, as Uggla taps the next one back to the mound and Lester handles it easily, throwing to first for the out. 2-1 Florida, middle of the third.

HOME HALF OF THE THIRD

Varitek starts off by popping out to Uggla. NESN cuts to some vintage 1980s Dennis Eckersley baseball cards, showing off his classic thick "moss" in all its glory. Here's some similar Eck Moss images:
That's really some randy Moss.

Nick Green is next, and he fans on four pitches. The next batter, Pedroia, clearly not wanting to hang around a long time getting his dwindling moss wet in the rain, flies out to left on the first pitch. Nolasco's really settling down now. Florida leads 2-1 after 3.

TOP 4th

Cody Moss, um, Ross is up for Florida. He taps one back to Lester, his bat shattering and the jagged barrel flying into the crowd as Lester throws him out at first.

The increasingly irritating Ronny Paulino grounds a single to left. But Brett Carroll skies a routine flyball through the rain to Drew, who grabs it for the second out. Orsillo is now publicly considering changing his name to Donatangelo Bonifacio, I am not making this up. It's better than Announcer Boy, you have to admit that.

The Other Bonafacio steps up to the plate, and rolls one up the middle. Greenzo gloves it and flips backhand to Pedroia for the out, ending the inning. Still 2-1 Florida after 3.5 innings.

BOTTOM 4th

Drew leads off by whiffing on a pitch about 6 feet outside (but only a foot low.) Youks is next. Last time up, after I insulted his hitting in last night's game last time, he belted a homer, so I'll do it again now. Wow, he was horrible last night. Almost as horrible as Pedroia and Drew in their last at-bats. Wait, that didn't help, as Nolasco gets Youks to flail at a breaking ball for strike three.

Nine in a row set down by Nolasco now. Massachusetts Bay is next, but he can only fly out to CF for the third out of the inning. That's 10 straight for Cy Nolasco. 2-1 Marlons after 4.


TOP 5th

Things learned from the commercials: 1. Apparently people who drink Coors aren't clear on how refrigerators work and require some sort of insurance for that. I pity them even more.

Coghlan starts things for Flo Rida. Lester labors to a full count, then gets him pop out to SS. A report from the NHL awards: Claude Julien wins the Jack Adams award for Coach of the Year, and Tim Thomas wins the Vezina Trophy for best goaltender! Congrats Clode and Timmay. Got to wait and see if Zdeno Chara will win the Norris Trophy. Keep an eye on the hardware boys, or else Cam Ward will steal it from you again.

Wes Helms goes down swinging on a low curve for the second out, bringing up Red Sox Shortstop of the Past and Future Hanley Ramirez. It is pouring now, getting everyone's moss wet. Hanley bounces out to Pedroia to end the inning. Sox trail 2-1 in the fifth.

BOTTOM 5th

Ortiz leads off and gets ahead 3-0. He gets the green light on the 3-0 pitch and swings, but can only pop a towering fly to shallow right. Uggla settles under it, but suddenly from out of nowhere, third baseman Emiliano Bonafacio comes racing all the way over into right field for some reason, collides with Uggla, and knocks the ball away! Ortiz, making the most of his footspeed, reaches first base safely.

Lowell is next, and he hits a liner to left, but it's at Coghlan, who grabs it easily for the first out. And Zdeno Chara wins the Norris Trophy! The Bruins winning all the non-Stanley Cup hardware they can carry.

Ellsbury chops one down to Helms at first. Helms snares it and fires to second in time to nab the speedy Ortiz. Hanley thinks about trying to throw to first for the double play, but decides to hang on to it. Ortiz eventually slides in, and starts rubbing Hanley's thigh for some reason. I am not making this up. Must be some secret Dominican player thing: instead of a secret handshake, they do a thigh rub. They don't call Ortiz "El Sexy" for nothing!

Varitek is up, and Ellsbury takes off, diving in safely ahead of the throw for the stolen base. On that previous play, Helms really should've just stepped on first and then thrown to second to get Ortiz, but it's too late now. Tying run on second with two out for Tek.

Varitek gets the count to 2-2, but then whiffs on a breaking ball to end the threat. 2-1 bad guys after 5.

TOP 6th
Things learned from the commercials: 1. People in Houston are really into their gas stations. 2. There's a disembodied voice coming from an oven at Quizno's and the workers there do its bidding!

Hore-hay Cantu starts off the inning by dropping a single into left center. Uggla is next, and Lester is already up to 112 pitches. This will undoubtedly be his last inning.

Suddenly, Crew Chief Jerry Crawford decides that he is sick of getting his moss wet, and waves for the ground crew to come out and put the tarp on the field as the rain comes pouring down (what else would it do, pour UP?)

Lester is surely done for the night now. On the other hand, Nolasco must be done too, they're not going to bring him back after a long rain delay. No Loss Though for Nolasco. 2-1 Florida, Rain Delay in the 6th.

The Washington Natinals are currently leading the Yankees 3-0 in the 9th! How will the Nats blow this one? On a dropped pop up? Wait, that's been done just a week ago. Will they balk in the winning run? Be forced to forfeit after it's discovered that they used a player with Swine Flu? They'll surely find some way to blow it.

In other scores, Tampa lost to Colorado, but Toronto sweeps the Phillies, winning as Rod Barahahahas gets the last laugh, belting a game-winning HR.

RAIN DELAY RANDOMNESS:
Things learned from the commercials: 1. Tom Brady's got a baby mama. 2. Red Sox management is really excited about the 500 consecutive sellouts at Fenway. 3. NESN has a very limited number of commercials, promos and programs to choose from.

As this is the only time all year that the Marlons will be at Fenway, the umps are prepared to wait hours and hours to get the rest of the game in. Maybe I should get off the computer and go down to Fenway and catch the rest of the game in one of those empty executive seats.

Nah, I'd rather type dumb jokes in a dry house than go through all that.

Final: Natinals 3, Yankees ZERO. This is the first time ever that the Yankees have been shut out in their ridiculous new stadium! And it's done by the worst pitching staff in the history of baseball!

Rain Delay Follies: some classic footage from 1976 shows Rollie Fingers and Joe Rudi in Red Sox uniforms! The story: "In 1975, A's owner Charley Finley failed in a headlined attempt to get rid of Commissioner Bowie Kuhn. The next year, in the wake of the Messersmith-McNally decision which paved the way for free agency, he began gutting his championship team before his stars made good on threats to walk away.

Finley tried to sell Vida Blue to the Yankees and Fingers and Joe Rudi to the Red Sox for a combined $3.5 million, claiming he needed the money to sign free agents and rebuild. Kuhn disagreed, voiding the sales by saying they weren't "in the best interests of baseball."

A furious Finley branded Kuhn "the village idiot" and sued to have the deals go through. Finley lost this battle."

That "sale" that lasted for three days was voided by Bowie Kuhn exactly 33 years ago today.

More rain delay randomness: Some credit-loan company is using an Obama speech in their commercial, is that even legal? Matt Stairs coaches youth hockey in New Brunswick in the off-season. Well what else would he do there in the winter?

Here comes the fake Obama commercial again. And now it's Red Sox Report, for probably the 7th time this week. Time for me to channel surf until the game restarts.

Rain Delay Channel Surfing:
Wow, there are lots of national network TV shows on that I've never heard of. "The Listener" is on NBC. Whoa, a guy who LISTENS, sounds like good TV. I see it's a Craig Olejnik vehicle, so you know it's good. Apparently on this episode, a girl is found dead! CBS counters with "The Mentalist," starring Simon Baker. So it's called The Mentalist, but it's not about mental Julian Tavarez? Dang. On this episode, Patrick searches for a killer! Hey, Patrick, you should call the Listener, maybe your killer killed the girl that they found. Give him a ring, I'm sure the Listener will patiently let you do all the talking.

Meanwhile, on Channel 38's Frasier re-run, Frasier tries to solve a murder. No, seriously. Even the old sitcoms are filled with murders tonight. No wonder sports is so popular, everything else on TV sucks.

Over on the MLB network, there are no murders, but the Tigers are beating the Cardinals pretty badly. 6-3 in the 9th in the long-awaited rematch of the 2006, 1968 and 1934 World Serieses. Hey how about some Bonus Live Blog coverage? Sure, why not?

Fernando Rodney is on to try to close it out. And he walks the leadoff hitter to get to Albert Pujols. Not a clever move. But he's able to jam Pujols and get him to fly out to LF for the first out. Ryan Ludwick "Von Beethoven" is next. He'll try to hit a 3-run homer with one man on base.

Rodney throws a pitch about 30 feet outside that goes for a wild pitch, then misses again for ball four. Now the tying run is up, and it's Chris Duncan, who has some power.

The pitching coach is out to say whatever it is they say in these situations: "Hey, how about not throwing pitches 20 feet out of the strike zone? How about this time we go with the over-the-plate pitch instead?"

For some reason, Duncan decides to swing at the first two pitches, and fouls them both off. Which team will make the dumber mistakes and lose this game? Well Rodney uncorks another wild pitch that goes back to the backstop, but neither runner bothers advancing. So I guess that's a draw.

Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen that before, a pitch that goes all the way back to the backstop and two runners don't even advance.

Rodney takes the lead in dumb plays by walking Duncan, who clearly wanted to do anything except walk, loading the bases and bringing up power-hitting Rick Ankiel, who knows a little bit about wild pitching. He represents the potential winning run at the plate.

He takes a strike, wisely, then Rodnney chucks one way outside. Ankiel then decides to hack at the next pitch, and rolls one to the shortstop, Adam Everett, who tries not to laugh as he picks it up, steps on second, and throws to first to complete the game-ending double play. Sweet save by Fernando Rodney! The Cardinals refused to let him blow this one.

Back on NESN, they're showing an extended interview with shaven-headed Yankees scrub Brett Gardner, who got hurt tonight making a catch against the lowly Natinals, who beat the Yankees 2 out of 3 in their stupid new stadium. Garnder banged his head against the fence making the catch, and it looked scary for a while, but he's fine now, as he's capable of being interviewed on TV for about 10 minutes without a problem. They must have X-rayed his head but found nothing.

Oh yeah, the Red Sox game? They're still waiting it out, still hoping to finish it. They'd better, because it's an official game, and if it could not be finished, the Sox would lose. So they'd better wait all night to make sure the Sox get to get their ups.

NESN now goes to The Ultimate Red Sox Show for the second time in this rain delay. Apparently this show is not the same exact thing as Red Sox Report, even though it sure seems like it. I guess this one is somehow more "ultimate." The question now is, are more people still watching NESN than remain in Fenway?

And now Orsillo/Bonafacio is back on, and the umpires have called the game, meaning the Red Sox lose, even though the rain has just stopped. I think I can speak for all of Red Sox Nation when I ask What the #^%#$? Seriously? We get stuck with a loss after 5 innings, when the rain finally stops for a minute? Well this night has certainly gone horribly wrong all of a sudden.

Seriously, it's pretty stupid that this game "counts." Even if the Red Sox had won, it'd be just as stupid. The game lasted 5 innings, and it was a 1-run game. The rule should be changed-- call it a suspended game and finish it at the end of the season if it has any playoff implications. If the game had never started, or had been one inning shorter, that's what would've happened.

This seems unfair, and I blame Lugo. But still, there's nothing anyone can do about it I guess. Except complain on the internet.

Live blog, Red Sox vs. Yankees, June 9, 2009

Alex Rodriguez, kissing a fool.



A really cool guy mixes Star Wars fanaticism and Yankeefandom, not at all nerdishly, really, come on you guys!

Tonight the Yankees are in town. Local favorite Alex Rodriguez is sure to receive a warm welcome from the crowd at Fenway Park.

The Boston Glob has tonight's lineups. Ellsbury is out with a sprained shoulder.

Red Sox
1. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
2. J.D. Drew, RF
3. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
4. Jason Bay, LF
5. Mike Lowell, 3B
6. David Ortiz, DH
7. Jason Varitek, C
8. Mark Kotsay, CF
9. Nick Green, SS
-- Josh Beckett, RHP

Yankees
1. Derek Jeter, SS
2. Johnny Damon DH
3. Mark Teixeira 1B
4. Alex Rodriguez, 3B
5. Robinson Cano, 2B
6. Jorge Posada, C
7. Nick Swisher, LF
8. Melky Cabrera, RF
9. Brett Gardner, CF
-- A.J. Burnett, RHP

Which shall it be, tied for first, or two games behind?

Beckett is on the mound, finishing his warmups.

TOP FIRST

One pitch, one out, as one Hall of Fame SS bounces out to a minor league journeyman. Damon steps up, with fog hanging low all over the field. A big ad for Wise chips glares behind home plate-- this may be the only time in his life Johnny Damon is ever associated with the word "wise." He grounds out to Pedroia for the second out. Texirawhatever up next, he gets the count to 2-2, and fouls off a few pitches, then takes one over the outside corner for called ball three, and one that's inside for ball four.

Rodriguez strolls up to the plate, and the crowd starts yelling "Youks" for some reason. Or is it "Boo-urns"? Either way, the insufferable clown works the count to 2-1, as the strike zone seems a little tight so far. Just what a potentially rain-delayed Sox-Yankees game needs to last 5 hours, a million pitches and walks. And Aroid pops out to first to end the inning. No score.

BOTTOM FIRST

AJ Burnett enters tonight with a 5-0 lifetime record against the Sox. He falls behind 3-0 to Pedroia, then throws 2 strikes, getting the borderline call on the second, before getting Pedroia to fly out to CF.

Next, it's A.J. vs. J.D., and Drew bounces meekly to Canoe for the second out. Orsillo reports that Jed Lowrie could be back in about a week-- could the Julio Lugo era really be ending? Youkilis draws a walk, and advances to second on a passed ball charged to Posada. RBI chance for Bay now, but he rolls out to Jeter, inning over. No score after one.

TOP 2ND

Cano starts things for the Yanquis by making Beckett throw about 37 pitches, then takes ball three over the heart of the plate at the knees, before rolling out to Pedroia.

Hore-hay Posada steps in. And Beckett rings him up for strike three.

Clean-shaven Nick Swisher is up, looking bizarrely like Mike Greenwell. Here's Swisher with Oakland:
Like Giambi and Damon before him, the former freewheeling hairy rebel becomes a corporate sellout upon joining the Yankees.
Reminding me even more of Greenwell, Swisher hits a routine flyout to end the inning. Still no score.

BOTTOM 2ND

Lowell leads off, and Burnett misses with a sweeping curve and a couple of 95-mph fastballs, and ends up walking Lowell. (Not walking TO Lowell, that would be way too far.)

Dry-eyed David Ortiz is next and is immediately down 0-2. This time he doesn't chase a close pitch, taking it for a ball, and on the next one he slams one to deep center, it carries back, and OUT for a two-run home run! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Ortiz is alive!

Varitek isn't, this time, as he whiffs for the first out. But Kotsay walks, the third of the night issued by Burnett. Green bounces a soft chopper to Arod, who gloves it and starts the routine-- no, wait he double-clutches and throws to second too late as Kotsay beats the throw! Everyone's safe on the error by America's Sweetheart.

A-rod makes up for it immediately though, grabbing Pedroia's grounder down the line and firing across the diamond to get the out. 2 on and 2 out for Drew. On an 0-2 pitch, he lofts one high to left, and it's off the top of the Wall for a 2-run double! 4-0 Red Sox! Thanks for that error, A-Roid.

Youkilis follows with a grounder through the hole between Jeter and Aroid for a base hit, Drew has to stop at third.

Burnett is sporting a horrible cheesy blond mustache, like a redneck high-school kid. Did he lose a bet? That 'stache might be worse than his pitching tonight. And Brett Tomko is already warming up in the bullpen, that's how bad his pitching has been. But he's able to get Bay to fly out to CF to end the threat though. 4-0 Red Sox after 2.

TOP THIRD

Beckett back out after the 4-hour wait to face Milky Cabrera, and he dispatches him quickly on a called strike three, Beckett catching a break on that call from the wildly inconsistent home plate ump. Apparently Beckett was talking to the ump before this inning, who knows about what. Threatening his family? Kissing up to him? A little of both? Anyway, Brett the Gardener is next and he pops out to Bay in left.

Eckersley mentions that he should've kissed up to the umps back when he was pitching. Yeah, maybe if he had done that, then he wouldn't have walked those three guys back in 1989. Jeter bounces one back to the mound, and Beckett tosses him out to end the inning. 4-0 Sox, after 2 and a half.

BOTTOM THIRD

Burnett now up to 64 pitches in the game, and his Cletus-like mustache remains horrible. Lowell draws another leadoff walk, bringing up hero of the moment David Ortiz, who may have come back to life like the Phoenix, rising from Arizona. But this time he flies out weakly to left.

Mike Lowell apparently goes insane, because he tries to steal second! The weakest-armed catcher in the league, Posada, throws Lowell out by only 89 feet. Varitek apparently missed a hit-and-run sign, but why would you even bother trying a hit-and-run with Lowell on base without his wheelchair or his Rascal scooter? Varitek walks, and the incredibly stupid botched steal comes back to haunt us already.

Kotsay follows with a single to right, past Canoe, Varitek holding second. Should be bases loaded, one out, but instead Nick Green is up with 2 on and 2 out, and he will surely pop out weakly to end the inning.

But no! Green belts a fly ball over the head of Swisher in left, and it one-hops the Wall, scoring Varitek with a double! Joe Not-Torre comes out to take the ball away from Cletus. I enjoy how Eckersely emphasizes just how terrible this outing was for him.

Brett Tomko is in for the Yankees. I thought he had retired four years ago, but plainly he didn't. Pedroia steps in, his breath visible in the arctic June Boston air. Pedroia pops out to A-Rod for the third out. Running on the crack of the bat with two outs, Kotsay passes Aroid just as the ball falls toward him. Maybe Kotsay should have screamed "I got it" at him, or slapped his arm like a little punk. Oh right, Kotsay isn't a loathsome bush-leaguer hated by everyone in the game, so Aroid catches the popup to end the inning. 5-0 Boston after 3.

TOP 4th
Beckett gets ahead of Damon 0-2, the second strike a darting, sinking 89-mph changeup. Damon takes ball one, just out of the zone, then takes ball two, right over the plate. Beckett doesn't get mad at his new buddy the ump, instead he blows Damon away with a 95-mph heater.

Mark Texeieria draws a walk, bringing up Aroid. Beckett fans him with a curve, eliciting roars from the crowd. Beckett at 67 pitches.

Canoe bounces one to the right side, Pedroia dives for it, catches it, but then drops it as he hops to his feet. Ruled a single, the first hit of the night for the Yanquis. Would've been a spectacular play by Pedroia if he could've hung on to it.

First and third with 2 outs for Posada. Beckett fans him on 3 pitches, blazing a 96-mph fastball past him to end the inning. Score remains 5-0 Sox.

BOTTOM 4th
The rain's still falling pretty heavily as Drew starts the 4th. Still not an official game, but it's not raining so hard that it's time for the hitters to strike out intentionally to speed up the game before it can be canceled.

Drew does strike out though, presumably unintentionally, and Youkilis is up. Tom Brettko, or Brett Tomko, or whoever, gives up a base hit to left by Youkilis. And Youkilis steals second! He is faster than Lowell, but who isn't?

Tomko spends about 4 minutes staring at the catcher for the sign, apparently hoping Bay will get bored and eventually leave. But Bay stays there, and draws a walk.

Double-play candidate Mike Lowell up next with 2 on and 1 out. Lowell smacks a single to center, and Youkilis scores from second, making the weak armed Gardner look bad, as his throw bounces in slowly.

Double-play candidate David Ortiz is next, with runners on first and second with one out. His current 7-game hitting streak has elevated his batting average to .200 on the season. Ortiz hits a towering pop-out to left, missing a very hittable pitch. He flips his bat up and angrily smacks it with his hand, then trots away, his head down as he undoubtedly mutters Spanish swear words.

Varitek is next, and he pops out to Aroid to end the inning. 6-0 Red Sox after 4.

TOP 5th
Nick Greenwell leads off, and Beckett blows him away on a sweeping curveball for his 6th K of the night. 13 of 17 first-pitch strikes for Beckett tonight. He gets ahead of Milky 0-2. He just misses with a blazing fastball, and Milky checks his swing, barely, on the 1-2 curve in the dirt. Next pitch is a heater on the outside corner, called strike three, a "piece of cheese, paintball," as Eck describes it.

Beckett falls behind Brett the Gardener 3-1, then gets him to ground to Green, ranging up the middle. Greenzo's throw is a little off line, but Youkilis is able to stay on the bag for the third out. 6-0 Red Sox.

BOTTOM FIFTH
Kotsay grounds out quickly to 2B. And Green flies out to CF on the first pitch. What's the hurry guys? Hasn't this been fun so far? Pedroia takes ball one, and Posada's throw back to Tomko bounces about 10 feet in front of the plate, as if thrown by a toddler, or by Gary Dell'abate. Pedroia draws a walk, the fourth of the night for Boston.

Tomko's wild pitch gets past Posada, who's had a fairly comical fielding night tonight, except for his mercy-killing of Lowell's steal attempt. Drew lofts a high fly ball down the left field line, and Swisher comes running over to make an awkward, Greenwellian catch to end the inning. 6-0 Boston after 5.

TOP 6TH
On the first pitch, Jeter flies out to Drew in right. On the second pitch of his at-bat, Damon rips a grounder that Youkils makes a lunging stop of, and steps on the base for the out. And on three pitches Beckett fans Texieria for the third out, a quick, dominant inning for Beckett. Still 6-0 good guys.

BOTTOM 6TH
Jose Veras on to pitch for New York, and he gets Youkilis to fly out to Cabrera in right. Bay is up, and Veras drills him in the ribs with a fastball. A Red Sox batter has been hit by a pitch in every game the teams have played so far this season. 9 Red Sox have been hit so far, compared to 2 Yankees. Time for Beckett to chuck one at A-Roid? Or maybe at Phil Rizzuto?

Lowell hits a bouncer, and Rodriguez goes to first for the out, Bay taking second. Ortiz hits a hot one-hopper, but it's at Cano, who flips to first to end the inning. Still 6-0 good guys.

TOP 7TH
And Beckett is out of the game after 93 pitches, taken out of a one-hit shutout. Curious. Hopefully he's not injured in any way. He seemed to be left out there too long in his last start, with a huge lead, so maybe they don't want to overdo it this time.

Delcarmen is in to face Rodriguez, who is seranaded with chants of "Aroid" from the crowd. He grounds out weakly to Lowell for the first out. Cano is next and he belts one to CF, Kotsay goes back, backpedals, and makes the catch in front of the warning track.

Posada draws a two-out walk, then Swisher bounces out to second base, Greenwell style, to end the inning. 6-0 Boston.

BOTTOM 7th
Varitek starts the 7th for Boston. NESN shows Papelbon in the bullpen, sitting up with his eyes closed, apparently asleep. Or meditating? After all, he is the spiritual, intellectual type. Varitek bounces out.

The Red Sox used their first-round pick in today's draft on Reymond Fuentes, a high school centerfielder from Puerto Rico, who is the nephew of Carlos Beltran. He wasn't ranked that highly by some experts, but Baseball Prospectus had this blurb on him before the draft: "Reymond Fuentes, OF. The top talent in Puerto Rico has been in the US this week, and his private workouts have been nothing short of stunning. He's a 70-plus runner with impressive bat speed and some power, and the teams that like him think he could develop into a true power/speed threat in center field. He wasn't even in my Top 50 on Saturday, but in the last 24 hours he's been attached to teams as high as Detroit at #9, where his workout for them bordered on legendary." Sounds intriguing.
Meanwhile, the Yankees apparently drafted former Michigan State coach Jud Heathcote with their pick. The draft is into the Sandwich Round now. Mmm, sandwich.

Kotsay grounds out as well, bringing up Nick Green. Greenzo blasts a shot way over the Monster seats, all the way out of the park for a home run! That's about as far as Nick Green can hit a ball, other than maybe a golf ball with an aluminum bat. On the moon. Another RBI for Green against the team that let him go this offseason.

Posada's tragicomical night behind the plate continues, as a pitch bounces up and hits him in the neck. Ouch. He stays in the game. He'll probably rinse it off with his own urine later.

Pedroia pops out to the pitcher to end the inning. 7-0 Red Sox after 7.

TOP 8TH
MDC still pitching for the Sox, and he gets Milky Cabrera to ground out to Green for the first out. Brett Gardner is next and he hits a liner that Green can't get, letting it Lugoishly bounce off his glove as he lunges for it.
Jeter is next, and Delcarmen almost hits him with a couple inside pitches. Payback for Bay getting hit again? Can MDC not even hit a guy on purpose? Maybe. Delcarmen walks Jeter on four pitches, and that's going to be it for him, Ramon Ramirez is coming in.

And some guy in the crowd with an AJ-Burnettesque mustache has caught two different foul balls tonight. A replay shows him going nuts, dancing and even doing a throat slash gesture. Settle down, Beavis.

The left-handed Damon steps in against the right-handed Ramirez, and promptly grounds into a 4-6-3 double play to end the inning. 7-0 Boston midway through the 8th.

BOTTOM 8th
Dave Robertson in to pitch for the Yanquis. That's Dave Robertson, NOT Dave Roberts' son, thankfully.

Drew whiffs for the first out, then Youks fans for the second out. Bay blasts one to deep center, and it bangs off the wall over the glove of Gardner! The ball caroms away, and Bay cruises into third with a stand-up triple. Certain vocal elements in the crowd remind the Yankees that they reportedly tend to draw liquids into their mouths by producing a partial vacuum by action of the lips and tongue.

Lowell's next, and Posada takes a bouncing pitch off the chest protector, for his 14th bruise of the night, counting the bruises on his defensive self-esteem. Lowell grounds out to third to end the inning. Sawx totally rule over Yankees by the score of 7-0 going to the 9th.

TOP 9th
Daniel Bard is in to throw some 100-mph bullets. Yankees got away lucky if indeed Delcarmen was trying to hit Jeter but missed. It could've been Bard throwing at someone, and they wouldn't be able to get out of the way of his heat.

Texieria flies out for the first out of the inning. Last chance to chant at A-rod tonight, and the crowd gives it their last best shot. Eck points out that Bard has "easy cheese and a nasty breaking ball, down and in with hair on it." And everyone knows exactly what he means.

The Sox draft Texas A&M pitcher Alex Wilson in the second round.

Aroid grounds out weakly to Pedroia. Cano up next, and Bard hits 100 on the radar gun, getting ahead 0-2 in the count, then fans him on a breaking ball in the dirt. And thus endeth the ballgame, and the Red Sox move back into a tie for first place! Red Sox 7, Yankees Zero is the final.
And there was much rejoicing.

Live Blog, Red Sox at Detroit Monday 6/2

Detroit, Rock City.



The Sox are in Detroit tonight, America's Most Dangerous City!

Red Sox lineup, tonight once again refreshingly Lugo-free:
1. Dustin Pedroia, 2B
2. J.D. Drew, RF
3. Kevin Youkilis, 1B
4. Jason Bay, LF
5. Mike Lowell, 3B
6. David Ortiz, DH
7. Jason Varitek, C
8. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF
9. Nick Green, SS
Daisuke Matsuzaka, RHP

El Tigres:
Clete Thomas, RF
Placido Polanco, 2B
Magglio Ordonez, RF
Miguel Cabrera, 1B
Curtis Granderson, CF
Brandon Inge, 3B
Josh Anderson, LF
Gerald Laird, C
Ramon Santiago, SS
Rick Porcello, RHP

Francona in the Glob on playing error-prone career minor leaguer Nick Green over Lugo: "I think Greenie's played pretty good. I also understand that Julio needs to play. That's just something I'm fighting. I've asked Julio to be patient because we're scrambling trying to get every win we can." Translation: Coolio, you can play after we've stopped trying to win every game and are ready to lose some. It's what you're best at.

It's a Matsuzaka start, so stock up on canned food and set your alarm clock, this could last all night. Dice-K remains tied for last in the majors in wins with zero, after netting 18 last year. He's only 2 wins behind recently released crumbum Adam Eaton, and two behind the recently exhumed corpse of Eric Milton.

In better news, Eckersley is back in the NESN booth. Watch out for hair on your cheese!

TOP FIRST

The first batter of the game, Pedroia, lines one down the left field line and chugs into second with a double! Drew smacks a single to center, andPedroia scores! 1-0 good guys. Red Sox with a terrific start.

But then Youkilis misses a fat pitch and bounces into a double play, Inge to Polanco to Cabrera. Suddenly two out and no one on. And now Bay whiffs to end the inning. That rally disappeared quickly. 1-0 Sox after 1.

BOTTOM FIRST
Other pitchers with more wins than Dice-K this year:
Disabled Yankees reliever Brian Bruney. Often-released Natinals reliever Julian Tavarez. Disabled journeyman reliever Brian Shouse. And the list goes on. Oh well, it's only June, he'll probably catch up to some of those guys before the season's over.

Clete Thomas, perhaps the second best baseball player named Clete of all time, starts off with a walk. But Placido Polanco doesn't walk, no sir, he lines a single to center. Cruddy beginning so far for Matsuzaka.

Magglio Ordonez up. Matsuzaka paints the outside corner with a fastball, but home plate umpire Tim Cheater calls it a ball. Thanks for nothing, dink.

But Matsuzaka gets Ordonez to hit a comebacker, and he starts the double play, halting the rally at least for now. Slugger Miguel Cabrera up next. He's noticeably thinner than last year, which is probably bad news for the rest of the American League. Matsuzaka hurling lots of fastballs early on, works the count full on Cabrera, Varitek with a run-saving blocker-save on a pitch in the dirt.

But Varitek's save doesn't matter, as Cabrera drills a base hit to left to tie the game. Curtis Granderson up next. He grounds a single to right, and the beating continues. First and third with two out, and Brandon "Hedwig and the Angry" Inge is up next.

Matsuzaka continues to labor, at 26 pitches so far, as Granderson steals second without a throw. But he battles back to fan Inge, and end the threat. Red Sox lead 1-1 after 1.

TOP SECOND
Lowell up for the Sox against Porcello (which I believe is Italian for "Pork Jello.") The 20-year-old Porcello dismisses him with a nasty breaking ball for the first out. Some guy dressed in David Ortiz's uniform steps in, and 15 Tigers move to right field. This alleged Ortiz slaps a base hit to left field for a single!

El Capitan Varitek takes strike two, and doesn't like it, pacing around the plate and purposely not looking at Tim Cheater. He teaches the ump a lesson by knocking a single to left, Ortiz hustling all the way to second on the hit.

Ellsbury hits a little roller down the third base line, Porcello runs over and picks it up but has no chance at Ellsbury at first on the infield single (later changed to an error by the home town scorer to try to protect the young pitcher's ERA.) Bases loaded, one out for Nick Green. The journeyman shortstop hits a pop fly about 30 feet in the air near pitcher's mound, and Cabrera lumbers over to make the easy catch. Two outs, and Pedroia the last hope for runs in this inning for the Mudville nine. But there is no joy as he rolls out to second to end the inning. Red Sox trouncing Detroit 1-1, midway through the second.

BOTTOM 2ND

A squirrel runs across the field and hangs out in right field near JD Drew! This is Detroit and it's not a rat, so that must be a good omen. Anderson (Not Granderson) leads off for Detroit. (Too bad Scott Sanderson isn't pitching.)

Anderson bounces back to the mound for an easy out. Laird follows with a single to left. Santiago bounces to the right side, and Pedroia runs over to catch it and flip to Matsuzaka for the out, despite a little confusion between the two of them and Youkilis.

With Clete Thomas up, Matsuzaka throws a wild pitch, his 6th of the year, and Laird rumbles over to third base, where he's now a threat to score on a single. Matsuzaka sticking with the fastball, works the count to 2-2. He throws another ball, and Thomas trots all the way to first base, apparently unfamiliar with the rules of American baseball. We require four balls for a walk in this league, son. Matsuzaka fans him on the next pitch, completing his humiliation and ending the inning. Still 1-1 after 2.

Now a commercial comes on featuring Mayor Menino and David Ortiz. Unfortunately, there are no subtitles, so all you can hear is a bunch of mumbling. Pretty embarrassing for a public figure to be so inarticulate. Even though English apparently isn't his first language, you'd think he'd do better. But that's Menino for ya.

TOP 3rd

Drew strokes a single to center to start things off. And now the squirrel is lying on top of the left field wall, watching calmly as Youkilis pops out.

Bay up next and he blasts one, high to left, over the squirrel, for a two-run home run!

Lowell up next, and the first pitch blazes up near his head! He falls out of the way of the 20-year-old's pitch. Lowell gets up and grounds to the shortstop, but Santiago misses it for an error. Ah, Santiago, it's okay, anyone can be a fisherman in May.

The alleged Ortiz is up next, and he grounds to the first baseman Cabrera, who steps on the base and throws to second, trapping Lowell in a rundown. What's more painful to watch, Ortiz swinging like a fifth grader, or Lowell trying to get out of a rundown? Either way, the inning is over. But the Sox take the lead as Bay goes Squirrel, and it's 3-1 midway through 3.

BOTTOM THIRD
Famous Tenor Placido Polanco starts off the bottom of the third by being called out on strikes, but curly-mulleted slugger Magglio Ordonez lines a base hit to right. Miguel Cabrera next, and he scorches a liner right at Pedroia, who snags it and flips to first for the double play. The ol' Atom Ball is Dice K's best pitch tonight. 3-1 Sox after 3.

TOP FOURTH
Varitek starts things by bouncing out to Old Man Santiago at SS for the first out. But Ellsbury follows with a smash past the pitcher Pork Jello for a base hit. With Green up, Ellsbury steals second!

Green bounces one down the third base line, but Inge-High Private Eye ranges over, gloves it and fires a rocket across the diamond for the second out. Pedroia follows by bouncing a chopper to third. Inge charges, grabs it, and guns it on the run to first for the out, putting on a defensive show that inning. Halfway through 4, it's still 3-1 Sox.

BOTTOM FOURTH
Granderson (Not Anderson) leads off. He fouls a somewhat deep fly into the mostly empty seats in right. Dice K still going mostly with fastballs. Granderson singles to center. Inge is next. He falls behind 0-2, tries to check his swing, but is called out by the first base ump.

With Anderson up, Granderson takes off for second. Anderson flies out, but Granderson keeps running, and is doubled off easily for the third out! Granderson out on the flyball by Anderson, while somewhere, Derek Sanderson watches with Loni Anderson. That's 3 DPs for the Sox tonight in the first 4 innings, on a groundout, a lineout and a flyout. Maybe next inning, Dice K will get a double play on a balk or a wild pitch. 3-1 Boston after 4.

TOP FIFTH

JD Drew up first for Boston. He bounces one to Inge, who scoffs at how easy this one is before throwing a laser-beam to first for the out. Youkilis follows with a walk, as the Sox keep getting baserunners against Porcello (which apparently rhymes with Orsillo, according to Eck.) Porcello's less than half the age of Tim Wakefield, and throws a lot harder. But here come Jim Leyland to yank the kid anyway. Pitching change.

Ryan Perry is in to pitch for Detroit, and he gets Bay to fly out to left. Showing a lively 96-mph fastball and a nice curve so far. Lowell works the count full, then rolls out to Santiago. Lowell basically walks halfway down the line to first, then stops, the kind of thing that makes sportswriters call you bad names if they have a grudge against you. After 4 and a half, it's 3-1 Sox.

BOTTOM 5TH

Gerald Laird leads off. As is his wont, Dice K throws pitch after pitch to him. In the booth, Eckersley begs and pleads for Matsuzaka to throw more fastballs. Pitch count up to about 167 now. And that's just to Laird. Matsuzaka finally walks him, on a fastball.

Santiago up next, and he looks out at Matsuzaka. What is Santiago thinking about out there? Probably something like "He is wonderful and strange and who knows how old he is. Never have I had such a strong foe, nor one who acted so strangely. He cannot know that it is only one man against him, nor that it is an old man. But what a great foe he is, and what will he bring in the market if the flesh is good." Count full again as Matsuzaka continues to labor. Eckersley's getting pretty irate over Matsuzaka's death-by-a-thousand-pitches style. As am I, I must say, as he bounces ball four, walking the #8 and #9 hitters to start the inning.

And the Yankees with a 7-run 4th inning to take the lead against Texas. Suddenly, baseball sucks.

Eckersley: "That was a horrible pitch, 3-2, that he shoved in the dirt, to the 9 hitter, who's a Judy, hittin' 9th, and he's gonna get a base hit off ya?" Matsuzaka's thrown 86 pitches tonight, but 19 so far this inning, with no one out.

But luckily, Footwear Thomas swings under a high fastball over the heart of the plate for the first out.

Manny Delcarmen starts to warm in the bullpen, as Dice K falls behind Polanco. Eck: "Sloppy cutter there, 86 m.p.h." Polanco slashes a liner to left, but it hangs up a bit and Bay gets it easily. "Dice K's lucky this ball is not down the line there for a double and two runs scoring, to be honest with you." Oh Eck, we know you're always honest with us, that's why we love ya.

Oddly-coiffed slugger Ordonez falls behind 1-2. Orsillo: "Batters only hitting .211 off Dice K." Eck: "when you walk 100 guys, you better have them hitting only .211 off ya." But Ordonez whiffs on a slider in the dirt for the third out! Dice K escapes again, which likely only makes Eckersley even angrier. 3-1 Sox after 5.

TOP 6TH

The man who claims to be David Ortiz leads off. Who are you sir, and what have you done with the real Ortiz? Whoever this guy is, he whiffs on three pitches, swinging about an hour and a half late on the fastball.

Varitek works the count full, then draws a walk. The Sox offense has been quite quiet since Bay's home run about 7 hours ago.
Eck: "These kids come up here and throw around 95-- easy cheese." Will someone please invent a sport that Dennis Eckersley and Jack Edwards can both announce together? It doesn't have to make much sense, it just needs to inspire comments like these: "Hair on that cheese!" "And he's on Queer Street!" "Paint!" "Half-wall!" "It's easy to paint with salad."

Ellsbury lines a base hit to left. Runners on first and second with one out now for St. Nick Green, who gets ahead 3-0. Hopefully he'll not swing for at least two pitches here. And he doesn't, walking on a 3-1 pitch to load the bases.

Pedroia up, and he gets ahead 2-0. Perry finally gets a called strike, but then another ball. And then another, walking in the run! A smattering of boos spreads across the sparse Detroit crowd, and Leyland is out to change pitchers again. 4-1 Sox.

Brandon "Dandy" Lyon comes in to face Drew, bases loaded, one out. Drew taps back to the pitcher, but it's so softly hit that the Tigers can't get the DP, only the force-out at home. Still 4-1.

Lyon's first pitch to Youkilis hits him, forcing in another run! That makes up for Drew's poor at-bat. Bay grounds to Inge, who for some bizarre reason decides to backhand-flip the ball to second base from 50 feet away. Polanco reaches high for it and manages to catch it while staying on the bag to end the inning. Sox lead 5-1 after 5 and a half.

BOTTOM SIXTH

After almost two and a half hours, 96 pitches and five innings, Matsuzaka's night is over. MDC in for Boston to face Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera rolls one to Delcarmen, who underhands to first from a reasonable, un-Inge-like distance for the out.

Granderson hits a routine flyout to right, and Inge fans for the third time tonight, ending the impressive, quick inning from Delcarmen. 5-1 Sox after 6.

TOP 7th

Lowell grounds out to Santiago. The Ortiz impersonator is up next, and he is improving, as he manages a weak foul ball this time before fanning on 4 pitches. Varitek is next, and he hits a fly ball to left that landersons between Anderson and Granderson on the warning track. Double for Varitek. Ellsbury gets ahead 3-0, then the Tigers decide to just intentionally walk him to get to Green.

Greenzo can break this one wide open here. Will he make the Tigers pay for walking Ellsbury to get to him? Uh, no. He hits a nubber in front of the plate, and Lyon gets out of the inning.

5-1 Sox in the 7th.

BOTTOM 7TH

Okajima in to pitch for the Sox. He gets Anderson to fly out to Ellsbury. Laird up next, and he hits a foul liner down the line to left, which sends an orange-shirted, middle-aged security guy scurrying comically to the ground from his chair. And he thought he had the best job in Detroit.

Laird hits a weak flyout to Drew for the second out, bringing up Santiago, who pops out to shallow center, meekly ending the uneventful inning. 5-1 Sox after 7.

TOP 8TH
Lyon of the Tigers is still out there as the top of the order comes up for the Sox. Pedroia bounces out. Drew is next, and he smashes a grounder to right, but Polanco makes a great diving stop and throws him out! Youks pops out, to quickly end the 8th. 5-1 Sox.

BOTTOM 8TH

Bobby Bacala from the Sopranos is at the game, for some reason. That's a squirrel and a Soprano at this game.

Okajima still pitching, gets Clete Thomas to pop out to shallow left. But Francona is out to take Okajima out of the game anyway, even though none of the Detroit hitters has mustered anything off him. Ramon Ramirez will be in to take over.

Polanco flies out to center. Meanwhile, whatever's left of Detroit has turned off this game and is now watching their Red Wings over on the rodeo channel. The Wings are tied 2-2 with the 'Guins in the second period, in the battle to determine which is truly the greatest city on earth: Detroit or Pittsburgh.

Ordonez rolls out, ending another meek, hitless inning for the seemingly de-clawed Tigers. 5-1 Sox, going to the 9th.

TOP NINTH
Begoggled, bearded Nate Robertson is in to pitch for the Tigers. Bay grounds out, then Lowell shows warning track power, flying out to left. Neither team seems very interested in scoring runs right now.

Alleged Ortiz shows more improvement, working the count all the way to 2-2 this time before whiffing. Sadly, I typed that last sentence about 20 seconds before he actually struck out. That's how predictable it's gotten. 5-1 Sox, bottom of the 9th.

BOTTOM OF THE 9th

Papelbon in to pitch, to face the dangerous Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera bloops one just over second base for a single. Next, Granderson gets ahead 2-0, then places a soft single into shallow left. Have the Tigers finally woken up? They still haven't hit the ball hard since Dice K left, but they have 2 on and no one out. Inge up, tying run on deck.

Inge bounces one in the hole between Lowell and Green for another weak hit, and here comes the tying run. Anderson the batter. Papelbon gets ahead 0-2, but Anderson fouls off about 27 tough pitches. Papelbon throws a high faastball, and Anderson misses it, for the first out.

Jeff Larish is up to pinch-hit for Laird. 2-2 count, Papelbon already up to 30 pitches. He blows a fastball past Larish, fanning him for the second out.

Old Santiago up next, representing the tying run. "You are killing me," Santiago thought. But you have a right to. Never have I seen a greater, or more beautiful, or a calmer or more noble thing than you, brother. Come on and kill me. I do not care who kills who."

And thus Papelbon struck out Old Santiago to end the game. Sox win, 5-1.

Dice K gets his first win of 2009! And Francona gets his 500th win as Red Sox manager. Congrats to the best manager the Sox have ever had.